I feel so desperate. I feel like my head can just blow up in a minute. there's a lot of thing to think, I keep searching for a way out, but instead find a way I just get lots of problems. it's killing me and I can't even recognize people that should be next to me in this kind of situation. it's like I'm standing here alone without any back up or help and god keep testing with this whole madness...
let me tell you what I've been thinking. in next three weeks I'll follow one of big beauty pageant in Indonesia called putri pariwisata Indonesia. kind of make me proud you know. but then I realized that this is not easy, I should get a lot of help to become a winner or at least enter the top 10. and then I saw all the finalist on the official website. then suddenly my breathe is took away from my body and I just lost all of my confidence. they are so good looking and smart and confidence and bla...bla...bla.. and I can't figure out what next. I'm so desperate, My mother told me to call the tourism office in my town to help me do all the preparations. but I know how they are. instead being prepared, I'll be asked to do all things by myself. there's a lot of thing to be prepared, I don't have proper cocktail dress, I don't have proper evening gown (I have some but still I need new one), I need new make up, I need to prepare my performance, and so many.... now, I'm definitely stress. I NEED HELP. god, It's only 3 weeks from now. gosh....
after that, my ex keep asking me to broke up with my new boyfriend which is his best friend, but now turn out to be his best enemy. with lots of reason of course. my present boyfriend is a very huge jerk, asshole and looooooovveeee to cheat. my ex told me that he don't want me to end up with some asshole, with my heart broken, and bla.. bla.. Like I care, I'm not going to marry him u know. the point is I'm not serious. I do the cheating too of course. and he's not the only asshole in this relationship, so I'm cool. I'm also trying to find a perfect revenge to make him suffer, because of his act that broken loooooooooots of my friend's heart. but then I realized that no matter how careless I am in this relationship, I want him to be mine, and I want him to be with me all the time, I want him! that's actually becoming a problem, since we know that he is totally a jerk and will never be mine... he was very busy too right now, because he also one of the Purna Paskibraka, so he must be very busy taking care of new paskibraka, or dating one of them... hahahaha... see?? another problem.
let me tell you what I've been thinking. in next three weeks I'll follow one of big beauty pageant in Indonesia called putri pariwisata Indonesia. kind of make me proud you know. but then I realized that this is not easy, I should get a lot of help to become a winner or at least enter the top 10. and then I saw all the finalist on the official website. then suddenly my breathe is took away from my body and I just lost all of my confidence. they are so good looking and smart and confidence and bla...bla...bla.. and I can't figure out what next. I'm so desperate, My mother told me to call the tourism office in my town to help me do all the preparations. but I know how they are. instead being prepared, I'll be asked to do all things by myself. there's a lot of thing to be prepared, I don't have proper cocktail dress, I don't have proper evening gown (I have some but still I need new one), I need new make up, I need to prepare my performance, and so many.... now, I'm definitely stress. I NEED HELP. god, It's only 3 weeks from now. gosh....
after that, my ex keep asking me to broke up with my new boyfriend which is his best friend, but now turn out to be his best enemy. with lots of reason of course. my present boyfriend is a very huge jerk, asshole and looooooovveeee to cheat. my ex told me that he don't want me to end up with some asshole, with my heart broken, and bla.. bla.. Like I care, I'm not going to marry him u know. the point is I'm not serious. I do the cheating too of course. and he's not the only asshole in this relationship, so I'm cool. I'm also trying to find a perfect revenge to make him suffer, because of his act that broken loooooooooots of my friend's heart. but then I realized that no matter how careless I am in this relationship, I want him to be mine, and I want him to be with me all the time, I want him! that's actually becoming a problem, since we know that he is totally a jerk and will never be mine... he was very busy too right now, because he also one of the Purna Paskibraka, so he must be very busy taking care of new paskibraka, or dating one of them... hahahaha... see?? another problem.
third one, I do have boyfriend here in Gorontalo, but still I prefer someone outside this province. He was a very nice man, the one who will never cheat, the one who stay beside me when I need him. He Is perfect boyfriend. but, god! I'm so bored, I need more than nice man. so I keep thinking to dump him, with all my friends suggesstion, I feel so ready. but then I'm not ready, then I'm ready, then I'm not ready. gosh, he is a very nice man!
then, after all this time. all i I need is support. but my mom keep giving me a brand new kind of anger every day with all of "clean your room", "sleep now", "go pray to mosque", "help me cooking" and etc with a very long conversation and it just make my head easier to blow up. o my god, now I becoming like Malin kundang or something. All I need is support and please don't add more problem to my head.
now, I'm clearing my mind, and all I can think is to dump all of my boyfriends, because they contribute more than half problem in my head, but soon after I get a new one. :D I think that's it. I can't think about anything else.
now, I'm clearing my mind, and all I can think is to dump all of my boyfriends, because they contribute more than half problem in my head, but soon after I get a new one. :D I think that's it. I can't think about anything else.
